
I had a surprise dinner at Michael's tonight with a good friend. We talked about omens, brie cheese, true love, and surprises. I only mentioned monkeys once, but I mentioned Malbec... well, more than that. I reminded myself of what matters to me and of what exists outside this tiny community. I went for a long night walk alone and philosophized about heros and safety and what makes good people do bad things. I thought about how I was happy that styrofoam packing pellets (the ones that looked like small bowls... haven't seen them since the 1980s) have gone away for the earth's sake but sad that they are no longer around to remind me of my dad's stories of Alvin and the Chipmunks wearing them as helmets. I actually heard myself think. I saw the continuum of perception that is reality and felt inspired by it. I got excited that I was in a place where I could hear cicadas, which reminded me of the day K.C. and I discovered that their eyes are red until they die (and turn black). I smiled as I pictured him opening his car door in Detroit and 7 DC cicadas from the infestation of 2004 falling out. I realized that in the hustle of having all my belongings stolen, my necklace from my trip to Belagio with Tara was stolen, which reminded me of the Tiffany's bracelet that had also been stolen, and the pearl earrings, and my heart hurt a little. Sometimes I am too sad about leaving good things behind and forget to get excited about good things I don't even know are coming. I am not good at change, and my mom takes every opportunity to remind me. I remembered that I had called Brian crying on the drive down 29 to DC last spring because I so badly didn't want to leave Charlottesville... but then within 4 days, I was deliriously happy with my-friend-Kelly in the city of lights and money and fabulous food. Then, as I opened the door to my sanctuary on Lewis Mountain Road, I reminded myself to show a little patience, and that life hadn't disappointed me with its surprises yet, no matter how hard I have held onto the blessings it has already given me.
Miles left: 266