119

What did the five fingers say to the face?

Miles left: 717

UPDATE.

I just got the best response from Jeff... ever.

From: Jeffery
Sent: Friday, April 30, 2009 3:34 PM
To: Catherine
Subject: I must confess

Catherine

As I sit here in on the last day of classes, I find myself torn. I want to hate you. Need to hate you. But, plain and simple, cannot hate you. Your adorable attempts at humor make me grin. Letting me win 143 straight points in squash and completely missing the golf ball (numerous times) at the driving range when my drives were only going 310 yards, made me feel better about myself and shows how truly humble you are. For these reasons, and a plethora of others, I think you can see why I, your biggest foe, have fallen for you.

I heard you’re going to be in New York this summer. So will I. Maybe we can hang out. Or something. If you’d be into that. But if not, I understand. But if you do, I’d be up for it. It’s totally up to you, but I think it could be fun. But you don’t have to, if you don’t want to. But either way, I hope to hear from you. Unless you don’t want to write back, which would be disappointing, but I could deal with. Not easily though, so I hope you write me. Or you could call. But I don’t know if you have my number. But I don’t want to give it to you, because what if you don’t call? But…what if you do? It would probably be worth it, but now I’m thinking about how distraught I’d be if you didn’t call. I’ll think about it.

I miss you….and am yours for eternity

Jeffery

 

From: Jeffery
Sent: Friday, April 30, 2009 3:36 PM
To: Catherine
Subject: My number

Okay, so I’ve thought about it for a few minutes and want to give you my number. You don’t have to call, but you can. I hope you do, but you don’t have to. If you do, and I don’t pick up, just leave a message. Or don’t. Either way I hope you call.

Yours forever

Jeffery

 

From: Jeffery
Sent: Friday, April 30, 2009 3:45 PM
To: Catherine
Subject: Get it?

I just sent you my number and I noticed it got stuck in my outbox, so I’m not sure if you got it yet. Shoot me an email or call me or text me if you get it. Or just call me whenever you want if you get it. But if you don’t want to call you could still text me. Or just reply to this email. I should be around my computer. And my phone. So you can do whatever.

Yours

Jeffery

 

From: Jeffery
Sent: Friday, April 30, 2009 4:03 PM
To: Catherine
Subject: Got your number from Carol! J

Hi! So, I called one of our mutual friends and got your number and shot you a text. Just incase the email with my number never went out. It looks like the text was delivered, but not received, so I just wanted to make sure you received it. Look forward to hearing from you soon! Unless you don’t want to respond, in which case it was nice talking to you.

Jeffery

 

From: Jeffery
Sent: Friday, April 30, 2009 4:14 PM
To: Catherine
Subject: May not have gone through…let me know

Hey – I called you incase the email and texts haven’t been going through, and my phone cut out as I was leaving a message, so I called back and left another message to make sure you got it. Did you? If so just respond. I guess if you didn’t get it, you won’t respond and if you did and don’t want to respond, you won’t respond, so maybe I just won’t know. But I hope you do. Please respond? If you got the message?

Jeffery

 

From: Jeffery
Sent: Friday, April 30, 2009 4:31 PM
To: Catherine
Subject: Server outage

So, I just got an email that our server was down so below I attached the five emails I’ve sent in the past hour. They said it was a short outage, but I’m not sure what emails went through. I don’t think it should have affected the texts or voicemails, but incase it did I sent you another text and left an additional voicemail. Just shoot me a text or call me or email me to let me know you got them. If you want.

Jeff

 

From: Jeffery
Sent: Friday, April 30, 2009 4:40 PM
To: Catherine
Subject: I’m so sorry

So I don’t think this is working out. It’s me, not you. I feel like I’m not giving you my all and that you deserve better. If you want to talk about it, let me know. Otherwise, I had a great time with you, and wish you the best going forward.

It was great while it lasted, and I had a really good time. I hope you don’t take this too hard, but if you do, we can talk about it. You know how to reach me.

Your friend

Jeff

113

A phenomenal response trumped my email of yesterday. Let the games begin. Miles left: 731

Dear Protestant white women,

It is you, I fear, who are the witches you Protestants so vehemently prosecute. No apology shall be rendered by me. Action against my scholarship is fruitless, as I am scholarship free. Further, I have no canine friends I may call my own, so these are empty threats that to not make me fear you. Insensitive, immature and crass you may consider me, but that is far better than the attractive, muscular and intelligent adjectives people generally ascribe to me. I’m so over being built up all the time that these (though inaccurate) words make me feel good that not everyone perceives me as perfect. It is Change I Need. Speaking of Change, Barack just happens to be one of my closest confidants. He sought my advice when his pastor started acting up, and his support, I assure you, you will not find. Additionally, I personally saved and nurtured back to heath Ted (Sen. Kennedy to you) on June 19, 1964, when our Aero Commander 680 crashed puncturing his lung, breaking his ribs and causing his internal bleeding. In fact, I gave him two of my floating ribs to replace those he fractured. I am physical phenomenon. I need only 11 ribs. Fear me.

Newton is no confidant of yours, either. The truth about gravity is that it was discovered when we one afternoon were drinking, and he fell down. I asked him what made him tumble. He told me the beer. I said, “No, my friend. That was gravity.” We came up with the apple as a cover-up, as he was in AA and supposed to be off the bottle. The Pope owes me favors. Everyone knows dead Pope’s relinquish their email addresses. I am not afraid of you.

Your mom and my mom had a thing in college. They’re on my team, because my sister is gay. I didn’t go to preschool; I went from the womb straight to 4^th grade. How does it feel to be tangled in a web of impossible threats? Jack Dog is mine for a day. I bought him in BGiA. Mine. I write Jerry’s standup. I found him Elaine. We’re tight. I think you meant to say future wives, but I will not hold it against you. Who needs children? My seed will find places to grow, and you shall never contain it. NEVER. Thomas Jefferson liked me so much that he changed his last name to be closer to my first. It used to be Cundtz. Few people know this. I also introduced him to Sally. He thanks me daily.

You can have the bouncer at Three.

Regards,

Jeff 

111

The final four contestants in the schools Big Buck Hunter competition. I probably should have stayed in and worked, but who am I to miss a BBH tournament? Miles left: 731

86

Worked... all day. Finally got a little break when I hear what sounded like gunshots coming from next door. It turned out to be Mike's fireworks, and I was invited in for a delicious dinner, basketball, and college humor viewing time with Megan, Mike, and their friends. These may not be the artillery shells of the N.P. household, but they certainly do the trick for a Friday night in. Miles left: 795.5

72

Missed our walking tour so we made up our own. Walked to Plaza San Martin to see the Buddy Bear exhibit, a Unicef art project on its last of 5 years of touring. Managed (unfortunately) to go back to the overly busy Calle Florida area until making it home for the afternoon siesta. To celebrate our last meal of the week, we had dinner at a man named Diego Felix's house. With locally grown meats, veggies, and herbs, he concocted some of the most unique dishes I've ever had. Purple potato starter, blended mint and melon icee-like palate cleanser, salad with nutty rice, fish in tomatoes and green pasta, and an apple pastry made with crumbly graham cracker-like native flour and served with ginger ice cream. No better way to end the trip! Ended the night at Millione: an old mansion turned night club. Speakeasy feel, stood on large marble garden steps splitting a cigarette and drinking vodka sodas. Turned in after a late night feast of our leftover meals from the week and got sad about leaving the country of cheap steak, smokey wine, and 7am bedtimes. Miles left: 824

69

Cabbed to San Telmo, the oldest neighborhood in Buenos Aires. We had huge greasy sandwiches at El Hipopotamo, an almost French or European looking smokey cafe on Brazil and Defense. Walked through a seedy park and saw approximately 27 couples making out. Aggressively. That park was ground zero for all awkward making out in the larger BA area. We experienced our first street tango show, and I bartered for goods with a street vendor! In spanish! Great success. The boys discovered Quilmes, i.e. Crystal, i.e. beers that cost $2 (pesos) or $0.70 (U.S. dollars)... per liter. I discovered that good wine can be purchased in BA for under $5. Emily, Miranda, and I wandered to Puerto Madero and relished the river breeze, open cafes, and awkward 50 year olds making out over Malbec (seeing a theme?). After the afternoon siesta, we returned to Puerto Madero for $50 peso all you can eat steak. Keep in mind $50 is about $15. The $50 also covered a bottle of wine... per person. These really are my kind of people. We followed our meat gorging with a night out at La Cigale (thanks to Trey). The night was full of New Zealanders and translating "I like you and would like to leave with you" into spanish for friends. We settled comfortably into the Argentinian schedule of wake up at 2pm, lunch at 7, dinner at 11, bed at sunrise. Miles left: 824

62

A picture from skiing last weekend... HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEIGHBOR!!! Miles left: 846

53

Last day of the ski trip and unfortunately I had to return to the place where I'm responsible for emails and answering voicemails. My car made it down the mountain, which on the one hand is a good thing because it means my parents won't kill me. On the other hand, it means I have to go to economics at 8am tomorrow. Days left with 8am classes: 4. Days left until Buenos Aires: 13. Miles left: 867.25

37

I was allowed to crash Mike and Megan's BGIA dinner with a mexican twist. The culmination of the evening was a rousing game of pinata. An important lesson I learned was that golf clubs do not lend themselves to long games of pinata. Miles left = 906.

30

We entered the chili cookoff and apparently got fourth. Several team members correctly guessed that "fourth place" was actually awarded to every team who did not win a medal. This was the most publishable picture of the night. I'm not sure if that's fortunate or unfortunate. Nicole got in a fight. British said "tidy" multiple times and spilled chili grease in the back seat of my car. Nothing beats a car that smells like chili. Lights on Sutton's hat: 2. People who told me my posts are never as funny as Jesse's: 11. Contestants wearing matching inappropriate hat and belt combos: 1. Times Tara wished she actually went to business school: eleventy billion. Credit cards left behind: 3. CCs recovered: 2. Miles left: 933.5